Daily Archives: July 11, 2009

For the record, all posts from here on out should be NEW

Everything blogged before this, FYI, were culled from blogs and rants I did on MySpace (www.myspace.com/causticmusic) over the last 3-4 years.  Some are now mildly irrelevant in terms of downloading and some attitudes I had at the time, some need a bit of revision, and some I simply didn’t include because I sounded like a douchehammer.
Regardless, I wanted an archive of what I considered the “best of” these rants and think I snagged most all of them.  All the rants and blogs from here on out are new.

Thanks for reading.

On DIY, Networking, and Laughing at the Criticism

[Originally blogged 7/9/09]

I went off on booking agents and “managers” for small bands a few daty ago quite a bit, but one of the most important points I tried (and always have, of course) to hammer home was that if you make music and you think it’s ready to get out there YOU REALLY DON’T NEED ANYONE TO HELP YOU!!!!

With these major caveats…
While you can literally do EVERYTHING for yourself, from booking your own shows to designing and screenprinting your own tshirts to releasing your own CDs/8 tracks, it’s good to know where you’re lacking skills.  Just because you CAN do everything doesn’t always mean you SHOULD.
What this means is simple: find good people to work with.
The easiest way to do this at first is look to friends.  Can Darkwytch666 make awesome fliers for shows?  Let her in free for the help and tell everyone about her awesomeness in exchange for the help.  Corey the Mildly Disassociated Methhead loves lighting?  Beg his ass to play around with the lighting board when you play (and tell him to chill on the strobes…a little)
I’ve been extremely fortunate in that I’m decent with networking.  One of the amazing things about the electronic scene on the whole is there’s a lot of massively talented and creative people in it, from graphic and web designers to sound nerds to whatever the hell you really need.
And most of you probably don’t have much experience, so it actually benefits everyone to work together and raise them thar skillsets to new levels and give each other exposure in the process.  Consider it mutual exploitation.
NEVER underappreciate those who are helping you, as well, even for small things.  Nobody HAS to do ANYTHING for anyone.  Thank people in liner notes, on stage, or on your awesome wordpress blog that nobody reads.  It’s important, and mostly it’s just the right thing to do.
And also importantly: Paying for work is NOT a bad thing.  This is just meant as a “getting started” measure.  People sometimes feel the MOST appreciated when they can earn a bit of scratch, but if it’s not in the budget currently know that the barter system is one sexy bitch as well.
I recommend hitting up people who are “making it” for advice, too.  Don’t necessarily be annoying about it and if you don’t get a response get all pissy and offended– people are busy– but a lot of artists remember their earlier, more confusing days and will take a minute or two to write back.  Maybe not a novel, but with something.  It helps.  I’ve gotten plenty of awesome advice from people doing this far longer and far, far better than I ever will.  There’s no need to reinvent the wheel, and some things may seem obvious, but they’re generally only obvious if you fell on your face a few dozen times doing it the wrong way and someone pointed out what you were doing wrong.

There are a lot of musicians out there selling “real” CDs like me (or not, which almost makes this funnier) that yell and rile against “bedroom musicians” who just sit around after a long day at the 9 to 5, have a few beers, and mess around in Reason until they have songs for MySpace.  See, the thing is, 95% of ALL artists essentially do this, INCLUDING the people who whine and bitch.  I can count on fingers and toes the artists who make their living EXCLUSIVELY off music sales and tours.  And most supplement their income heavily by doing music-related stuff like mastering and production.

So that makes them the thing they hate.  Which they don’t want to admit, but they’re still punching in at the local shitbag chain restaurant to make ends meet too, so ignore that shit.  It’s all what YOU put into it, and if you’re a fellow bedroom musician like myself you can not only thrive but put out music that’ll shut up all the critics.  If it doesn’t, then use that criticism to make them shove it up their ass by working harder and being more successful (whatever the hell THAT means) than them.

I try to do it every day.  And it rules.  And by and by the whiners are also the ones losing money by pouring it into useless ideas that don’t recoup.  Again, be smart.  Don’t do it if it’s gonna lose a bundle.  Longevity is key, and you don’t wanna burn out your budget before that fanbase has grown to sustain it without your help.

In other words, be smarter.  Think about good ideas that will actually work, get off your ass, and start working on the big picture instead of focusing on just one corner of the canvas.

And thank me later in your liner notes.;)

My subtley nuanced thoughts on smaller artists using booking agents and “management”

[Originally blogged 7/7/09]

I know there will be those who disagree with me on this, but unless you can draw enough people to sell out 500-1000 capacity venues on a regular basis, then fuck booking agents. Fuck them in the ear.

I’ve been booking bands for going on 8 years and at this point every fucking time I’ve had to deal with MASSIVE bullshit is when an artist uses someone else to do their dirty work, so much so that I’ve had to contact these artists directly (and som/most of them are good friends) to have them tell their “booking agents” to eat a bag of dicks.

I understand not wanting to do the work. Believe me, I do. But I also know that I will and have actively AVOIDED booking certain artists BECAUSE they use certain people. This is lose-lose on both sides, in my mind, simply because I WANT to bring them but don’t want to play fucking “how much can you offer?” bullshit or “we need a deposit by THIS DAY due to the massive popularity of said artist”.

I ALSO see more “booking agencies” fucking up ENTIRE TOURS with artists because they can’t handle their shit or freakin’ don’t even pay attention to the DATES THESE BANDS CAN DO. Again, lose-lose on both the artist and promoter side and on top of it the artists are embarrassed that all the shit gets planned and they have to cancel because they can’t take 4 weeks off work and the booking agency forgot or just didn’t remember.

So fuck it. There’s plenty of amazing artists who I’ll treat just as fairly by simply cutting out the fucking middleman bullshit, or work directly WITH THOSE ARTISTS and SKIP their booking agents so the whole situation will be mutually beneficial.

I also see little to no point in having someone book shows for you and getting paid for it when it’s so hard to make ANY MONEY TOURING TO BEGIN WITH.

That’s just me though.

And again, I understand using one if you’re booking with larger companies and bigger venues– that’s a pain in the ass and dealing with minutiae like a House of Blues gig with union crews and all that sucks. Fine.

If you’re NOT playing those venues and NOT filling venues I am personally impressed in no way that you have “management” or “our booking people”. It generally makes me laugh because it’s a waste of time, energy, and looks like a play to seem more important than I know you are as an artist. Mind you, when I say “important” I simply mean I don’t think the ends justify the means, NOT that the artist isn’t talented and deserving of everything we negotiate. I wouldn’t WANT that artist if I wasn’t excited about them rocking the show.

So yeah, my potentially unpopular opinion on smaller artists using management/booking agencies. Skip it. You can potentially make more money (and get ripped off less) doing it yourself and learning how to do this shit is invaluable all around as a businessperson making music.

Grr punk industrial. Spit spit spit.

Chasing Ghosts- “The Scene” and You.

[Originally blogged 3/18/09]

So there’s been a huge thread on an industrial forum regarding the decline and impending death of the industrial scene as we know it.  It’s basically the typical “downloading sucks, there’s too many bands out there, and we all need to work together to SAVE THE SCENE.”

You know what?  Fuck The Scene.

The scene isn’t real.  The “scene” is a bunch of people who kinda sorta know each other, kinda sorta listen to a lot of similar music, kinda sorta shop at Hot Topic (and you know you do, so shut up.), and kinda sorta end up at the same club nights.  I fondly refer to it sometimes as “teh sceen” simply because I don’t like writing that sentence over and over again, but it’s the truth.

So there’s really no “scene” to save.  What should you ACTUALLY do, in my humble preachy opinion?  Support music YOU LIKE and tell people about that music.  Buy THAT music.  Don’t blanket accept or support something just because people who aren’t pulling the profits they wish they were think you have to or because some promoter of a club night can’t get the numbers they want due to scene bullshit or not being good enough to get people out.  Believe me, I’ve booked tons of shows, promoted a night and club for nearly a decade and been on both sides of the fence.  I know.  I’ve got the battle scars and debt to prove it.

The scene isn’t an organization– it’s at best a group of people with some common interests, sure, but it’s not in any way a dues paying entity where it OWES you anything or you owe IT anything.   And if ALL you care about is “the scene”, then you’re missing out on a ton of awesome music and culture elsewhere.

So, again, fuck the irrelevant, imaginary thing called “The Scene”.

Labels are going to die, in EVERY genre.  Many because of downloading and people having little respect for the time and money that goes into putting music out, but more so because of their inability to sign bands that inspire enough people to buy their CDs and a greater inability to promote it correctly.  So, in other words, bad business.  If they aren’t looking at their bottom line realistically, and that means not looking at it like they may have 10 years ago or even TWO years ago…yeah, they’re fucked.  Also because they aren’t smart enough to adapt to the times and understand that shit’s lean right now– there’s not as much money coming in and probably won’t ever be again.

Too bad, so sad.  Businesses die every day though.  It’s why everyone doesn’t get rich and some people do better than others.  Get over it.

Same with bands.  Stop whining, you massive bunch of pussies.  Yes, it sucks that your album is up for everyone to download, and you can say “I WOULD’VE SOLD A MILLION COPIES IF THERE WASN’T ILLEGAL DOWNLOADING!!!”

No.  No you wouldn’t have.  You would have sold about what you sold.  Just because 50,000 people downloaded your CD doesn’t mean they would have paid to own it.  Hopefully a nice-sized fraction of those people will be honorable and buy it if they like it, but your hypothetical sales are just that– hypothetical.  It’s not real and there’s no way you could ever determine actual sales lost just because the counter on some illegal torrenting site says 74 million people checked out your music.  I flip through the channels on TV but don’t watch every program all the way, y’know?

Here’s another little bit of wisdom– downloading evened the playing field, and the music industry’s golden goose was shot, gang raped, cooked, gang raped again, and then left on the RIAA’s front lawn picked clean.  While this unfortunately means I’m probably out some nice money it also means I’ve gotten better at promoting my music and the labels I work with.  Let’s face it– the music industry was able to get away with overcharging fans, overpaying artists, and lining their pockets with ridiculous sums of money because The People had no way of really checking music out in mass quantities like they have since Napster.   It’s not money for nothing any more, assholes.  It’s time to fucking dig in, work, and show fans why they should support YOU and YOUR ARTISTS in the cacophonous din of a million shitbag artists (many of which wouldn’t understand “paying dues” past “I signed up for a MySpace account”).

In other words, they have to get smarter.  Trent Reznor did, but he’s well off and has the capital to say fuck the recording industry.  People like myself just need to stop bitching, actually WORK to get some recognition, and hope we’re lucky enough to be at the right place in the right time to have some new people latch onto our sound and enjoy it.

There’s a million bands more talented than Caustic or Combichrist or Black Sabbath or motherfucking Fallout Boy, but the difference is WE ALL ARE PUTTING IN THE TIME.  There’s an immense amount of determination, perseverance, stamina, and just balls-to-the-wall WORK going on.  It’s sacrifice.  Does that mean if you put in lots of time and effort you’ll get “huge”?  No.   But that’s where luck comes in.

And as a quick aside– some people just like making the music they like, aren’t interested in doing much more than setting up a vampirefreaks page and letting the people find them.  Know what?  Awesome!  Seriously.  I know I can be hard on people who aren’t pushing themselves but my overexuberance sometimes overshadows my simple love of this stuff on whatever level you want to put it out.  I’m just being a confrontational dick, in other words.  If that’s all you want and don’t want or give a shit to move “higher up the food chain,” then more power to you.  You’ll be saving yourself a lot of aggravation, self-doubt, financial pain, and probably have a LOT better life than dipshits like me who spend a lot of time trying to “succeed” (yet still work 2 jobs:)).

However, if you’re one of those artists who can’t POSSIBLY COMPREHEND why the world hasn’t opened its legs for your massive talent to dive into its great, loving vagina of fame and profit yet…well get a fucking clue.  Stay home and work on your art and stop bitching like a little kid who isn’t tall enough to get on the rollercoaster yet.  Earn something, and if you still fail at least you gave it your best.  Life is pain, princess, but at least you hopefully had some laughs and made some friends.

As for the scene though– the scene can hang out with Santa and the Easter Bunny.  I’ll be on tour working for my CD and digital sales and meeting fans, as will a lot of other dedicated bands.

So join in on the fun or get out of the way.  Some of us have work to do.

7 More Things We Don’t Need in Industrial Anymore…

[Originally blogged 2/12/09]

In the spirit of Darwin’s bday and evolution, here’s a couple more Things We No Longer Really Need in Industrial Anymore

1) Blatant misogyny

This actually came up in a lot of comments on my last blog about this shit. Here’s a hint to artists– every song doesn’t have to be about equality of the sexes, far from it, but if you’re going to write a “suck my dick you’re a whore and oh by the way I may wanna kill you” song then at least have the intelligence and creativity to make it in a context where you don’t just seem like some blueballed douche who couldn’t finagle a BJ from some girl you were SURE was going to give you one when you talked to her on Facebook.

Woman (and man) hating songs definitely have their place and can be done where people go “okay, I understand why this freak is so angry”, but making a song about sexual abuse and exploitation of women makes me wanna call your mama to slap some sense back into you. Plus, I think it ensures only Facebook BJs from women who might try and bite your dick off because they’re so fucked up that’s the only way they can feel loved.

2) Porn samples in songs-
Yes, you’re very badass for cruising the Vivid website and sampling some woman talking about how much she likes getting buckets of semen all over her. Way to go. And what? There’s a GREAT BEAT, TOO?!?! OH MY GOD I CAN’T WAIT TO MASTURBATE TO THIS AT 135BPMS LATER!!!!!

Give me a break. You like vaginas and hearing women moan, way to go. You’re very manly.

Nothing is as boring or uncreative as sampling female porn dialogue or overdone orgasms. It’s like sampling the fucking Matrix or some movie EVERYONE knows– it’s easy. Sure, there can be extremely AWESOME porn samples out there– Christ, listen to Mr Bungle’s first CD– but for the most part it’s just dumb and uninspired.

3) Bitching about lack of sales
You know what? FUCK SALES. There are literally HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of industrial fans out there and more are jumping on board every day. No, every single card-carrying fan doesn’t buy EVERY release. Why? People are stealing a LOT of music, including mine. Does it suck? Sure. Is there anything you can really do about it? No. I googled “caustic jizzcore mp3” and the first ten sites that came up were ALL illegal downloading sites. Was I pissed? Slightly, sure, but at the same time it’s like getting pissed that I’m going to die– there’s NOTHING I can really do about it.

I realized that if I booked a show in Russia and leaked that there was a way to sneak in I could probably fill a fucking stadium. Guess what? GOOD. CD and digital sales are important, but there hasn’t been any REAL money there since Napster started so accept that, work on a new business model, and shut the fuck up about it.

Am I saying it’s awesome to steal? No, of course not, and don’t be stupid. My label and I need sales to stay in business, and it’s a razor’s edge margin of error these days with releases. But at the same time you have to know what fights to fight and where you can actually win, so fuck it. Steal it if you really think that’s cool I guess, but buy the music if you like it. Or a T-Shirt. Or send Crunch Pod $5 or something as thanks for putting our asses on the line financially so you’ll have music to shake your ass and get laid to.

4) Nazi/Fascist imagery.
Yes, you’re extremely controversial because you think Hitler was awesome and you’ve made a song about genocide. *yawn* Seriously, even the Jews are bored with you. I know. I asked them all.

5) Standing around at shows.
I don’t like playing shows to people who want to be entertained and just stand there like assholes. I like playing shows where there’s energy and people losing their shit and dancing and moshing and fucking on the speakers. THAT’S a show. I know you paid your $5-10, but if you want a chill show where you can just “enjoy some tunes”, then go see Sheryl fucking Crow. Industrial music has a BEAT– it’s 95% of the time a 4/4 beat, which means even a braindead mutant can dance to it. Give it a shot, DethSpyd3r6969, you may enjoy it.

It’s not cooler than thou to be unappreciative of someone on stage putting their ass out there to try and express themselves. I’m not saying dance if it totally sucks, but at least try and have FUN. Dancing, btw, is sexy as well, so maybe you won’t need to stay in your parent’s basement cutting your oh-so-lonely self because someone might think you’re hot and try and tap (or be tapped) by that.

And on that note…

6) Bands, you don’t look half as cool as you think you do. Have some fun on stage.
The more self-serious a band is the more ridiculous they look to an audience. Be HUMAN (unless you’re Kraftwerk, then be robotic). The biggest mistake I see new bands make is complete lack of connectedness with an audience, because they’re trying too hard. Don’t. People spot bullshit from a mile away, especially if you’re on a stage, so do your thing but if it doesn’t look effortless and confident you’re just going to look stupid. Sell it. People will buy almost any crazy shit on stage as long as you’re totally committed to it, but they’re gonna make fun of you incessantly if you can’t do that, so let the stage show evolve and let it Be What It Is.

7) Respect goes a long way.
This relates slightly to what I said about not being an asshole online, but it’s simple– showing other artists proper respect, regardless of size, gets you respect back. Over the years I’ve looked to certain people as those who I personally think do it right– one is Tom Shear from Assemblage 23. He’s nice, outgoing, and in my eyes has dealt with more than one asshat online with more class than anyone. I’m sure he’s played shows with tons of horrible bands but you’ll never see him making fun of them online or publicly trashing them. Same with artists like VNV Nation and Combichrist– why? It’s better to take the high road and act like a professional because then it shows you ARE a professional. You don’t need to be signed to have a professional attitude, but having a professional attitude can definitely help you GET signed.

So there’s some more shit to chew on. Enjoy, and comment away.

8 Things To Avoid in Industrial Today

[Originally blogged 2/3/09]

8 things to avoid in industrial music today (and yesterday, but especially tomorrow):….

1) Being the most “extreme”….

Seriously?  You think mentioning rape and child abuse makes you scary or “edgy”?  I think it makes you sound like Korn without any record sales…..

2) Being “heavily influenced by black metal” as if that adds any more validity to your music than being “heavily influenced by polka”.

We get it, it’s evil and they all look like KISS threw up on themselves.  You’ve heard of Mayhem and Emperor, and even have a Varg Vikernes autographed dragon’s fang.  You’re still a pussy making computer music like the rest of us and worrying about your copy of Reason eating too much processor…..

3) Pretending that creating a new sub-sub-subgenre helps you stand out in any way.

See “This is Jizzcore”…..

4) Whining about people using presets.  ….

The only people who whine about people using presets are people who make music and don’t use them yet nobody’s sucking their sonic cock telling them how amazing they are that they put together the noises themselves.  Please.  99% of people don’t know the difference between a 303 versus a tin can getting kicked down an alley.  Why?  They don’t care give half a shit, so put a sock in it and make music people actually want to hear (or just what YOU want to hear, but be happy that YOU’RE happy with it) and not music you think is “original” because you designed a wacky new frequency out of an old Casio keyboard you circuitbent to hell.  Sure, that’s cool, but it’s not like the dancefloor is going to stop when anyone hears it because “OMG IT’S A NEW SOUND!!!!”  If it works and you like it, great, but it’s like a magic trick– the audience just wants to go “ooh, aah” and clap– they don’t give a shit how long you had to practice it or put it together…..

5) “Breaking out” to the mainstream….

Sure, it’s fine if it happens.  Hell, everyone would like to make money doing what they love, but guess what– it probably won’t happen.  Even if you got 400 hits on your new MySpace demo.  Even if you got a new interview up on randombarelyhitmusicfanzine.com.   Even if you got a hummer from some drunk girl in a bathroom because your new song “really spoke to her vagina”…..

Besides, did you start making this shit to get “accepted”?  Backasswards way to do it, sparky.:)….

6) Acting like an asshole online when nobody’s ever heard of your band or music…..

It makes you look petty, foolish, and like you won’t get many good opening gigs if the band you’re slagging comes to town…because it’s always funny how they remember you being a prick and STILL you beg to open for them (funny how that works).  Sure, some bands may be forgiving, but most will write you off faster than you can say “PWNED”…..

7) Looking like a copy of a copy of a copy….

“Evil kids” yelling about individuality yet all wearing the same Hot Topic clothing gets made fun of more than people joining an anarchy club.  If you’re in a band could you PLEASE try and go a step further?  It doesn’t need to be a lot, but if you look exactly like your fans and every other kid on Vampirefreaks.com don’t pretend you’re offering up some great new palette for us to be inspired by.  If you’re not into fashion and “that’s just how I’ve always dressed” then fine, but if that’s the case stop looking like you’re trying so hard to be bad-ass if that’s what you wear when you’re at the local grocery store buying toilet paper…..

8) Thinking sales mean quality….

Sure, there’s a lot of shitty bands out there who are on labels and who are what many consider “safe bets”, but they’re also the same artists that nobody will remember outside of that one good track you heard in the club for the last few years that someone’ll put on a mix CD and you’ll have to ask who it is.  Just because someone’s on a label and selling CDs (never as much as you’d think, btw) doesn’t mean they’re any good.  It just means they played the game well and got lucky…..

I’d rather be a small artist that is truly appreciated by people who know my shit than a big waste of sound.  Sure, a little production flourish can help you, but if your music isn’t YOUR music just stop now.  Don’t change what or who you are to get on a fucking label where honestly you aren’t going to get rich anyway– be innovative, flip off everything you’ve heard like a petulant teen flipping off his mom for no good reason, and do something that comes from YOU…..

Just do it sincerely.

Dear artists: Stop whining, and get smarter.

[Originally blogged 3/11/08]
A note to all artists out there who seem to whine constantly about downloading and people stealing your music:

Stop being pussies.

Since 95% of all musicians do not make a living at their craft (me included), there’s a darn good chance that if it were 10 years ago and you were as good as you are now that, well, you’d still be working a day job.

Long gone are the days that most of us could get “tour support,” meaning the label would front cash for us to get on the road, basically depending on CD sales to make up the costs.  Long gone are a lot of days though, so pay attention to what’s going on now and stop thinking you’re going to be the next Nine Inch Nails.

Sure, it sucks and to me is massively disrespectful if someone calls themselves a “fan” and has never tossed you even a few bucks at a show for an actual copy of your CD or snagged it digitally off of any number of legal websites, but you know what? What the hell have you done to push your shit to give them a reason to buy it?

In an age where apparently kids would rather download (hopefully legally sometimes) than actually buy a CD, you have to be creative if you want to offset the money you may be losing due to illegal downloading. So what have I and many others done?

One word: Merchandising.

I’ve had a really nice time figuring out stuff to sell for Caustic, as “branding” and developing the image is a really cool way to get the word out on your band, let people advertise your sexy ass on their chests, cars, and crotches (I made thongs), and mostly it’s something a lot of people want.  If you look at bands like Assemblage 23, VNV Nation, and the god of merch these days, COMBICHRIST, you’ll see how smart it is to have a consistent style and image for your band and to market it in non-music formats.

Why? Because fans LIKE you and like SUPPORTING you, you ignorant assholes!

It’s a simple, silly thing to say, but you can’t download a t-shirt. You can’t download a shot glass. Hell, you can’t download a memorable performance, at least not in the sense that you’ll be getting the same thing out of a bootleg than you did out of being there and in the moment getting crazy with all your friends.

Which leads me to my next point: Play live.

Sure, you need to not suck and have music worth hearing, but playing live is a really nice way to a) Travel some, generally on someone else’s dime (or at least discounting the trip heavily), b) Meet lots of cool people and turn them on to your music, and c) Kick some ass on stage.

Personally, I see it as a reason to have a few beers (okay, 30), jump around (and off) stage for 45 minutes, and scream bloody murder and watch anywhere from a few dozen to a thousand people dance their asses off (or at least look really confused as to what’s going on, which is sometimes infinitely more fun). That’s rewarding in itself, but what’s even moreso, to me, is that it’s a really fun bonding experience. I sit in front of a fuckin’ computer 40+ hours a week and talk to people all over the world on this here interweb, and that’s awesome, but what’s more uber-awesome is actually spending time face to face with a crowd and just losing our collective shit together.  It’s a visceral thrill to ringlead a crowd in chanting “HANDJOB!” or any other dumbass thing I think of in the moment.

And if they enjoy it, they’ll spread the word on what they saw and ideally even MORE people will be there next time, and they’ll all hopefully have a little extra cash to snag a shirt, CD, or that limited edition Caustic totem pole I’ve been making my sweatshop minions carve for me in bulk. BREAKS OVER, MANUEL!!!!

Ahem…

So stop your bitching and upgrade to the new age. Battling on internet forums about downloading really isn’t helping shit at this point, as we all know you can rarely win an internet fight (something I need to remember from time to time myself) and changing someone’s opinion when they’re on the free music gravy train ain’t easy, especially when they’re blowing tons of cash on new XBox games and the newest fucking Saw special edition.

Step up and figure out a new model for pimping your shit. It’s better than watching a ship sink, and generally more fun.

(And by the way, download Caustic LEGALLY off all major digital distributos.  Don’t use ANY Russian paysites as I get dick from them and they’re costing YOU money and most likely stealing your harddrive with some virus at the same time.  Seriously.  I’d prefer you just steal it off soulseek or some torrent instead of giving those mutants a dime.  Much appreciated.)