[Originally blogged 2/12/09]
In the spirit of Darwin’s bday and evolution, here’s a couple more Things We No Longer Really Need in Industrial Anymore
1) Blatant misogyny
This actually came up in a lot of comments on my last blog about this shit. Here’s a hint to artists– every song doesn’t have to be about equality of the sexes, far from it, but if you’re going to write a “suck my dick you’re a whore and oh by the way I may wanna kill you” song then at least have the intelligence and creativity to make it in a context where you don’t just seem like some blueballed douche who couldn’t finagle a BJ from some girl you were SURE was going to give you one when you talked to her on Facebook.
Woman (and man) hating songs definitely have their place and can be done where people go “okay, I understand why this freak is so angry”, but making a song about sexual abuse and exploitation of women makes me wanna call your mama to slap some sense back into you. Plus, I think it ensures only Facebook BJs from women who might try and bite your dick off because they’re so fucked up that’s the only way they can feel loved.
2) Porn samples in songs-
Yes, you’re very badass for cruising the Vivid website and sampling some woman talking about how much she likes getting buckets of semen all over her. Way to go. And what? There’s a GREAT BEAT, TOO?!?! OH MY GOD I CAN’T WAIT TO MASTURBATE TO THIS AT 135BPMS LATER!!!!!
Give me a break. You like vaginas and hearing women moan, way to go. You’re very manly.
Nothing is as boring or uncreative as sampling female porn dialogue or overdone orgasms. It’s like sampling the fucking Matrix or some movie EVERYONE knows– it’s easy. Sure, there can be extremely AWESOME porn samples out there– Christ, listen to Mr Bungle’s first CD– but for the most part it’s just dumb and uninspired.
3) Bitching about lack of sales
You know what? FUCK SALES. There are literally HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of industrial fans out there and more are jumping on board every day. No, every single card-carrying fan doesn’t buy EVERY release. Why? People are stealing a LOT of music, including mine. Does it suck? Sure. Is there anything you can really do about it? No. I googled “caustic jizzcore mp3” and the first ten sites that came up were ALL illegal downloading sites. Was I pissed? Slightly, sure, but at the same time it’s like getting pissed that I’m going to die– there’s NOTHING I can really do about it.
I realized that if I booked a show in Russia and leaked that there was a way to sneak in I could probably fill a fucking stadium. Guess what? GOOD. CD and digital sales are important, but there hasn’t been any REAL money there since Napster started so accept that, work on a new business model, and shut the fuck up about it.
Am I saying it’s awesome to steal? No, of course not, and don’t be stupid. My label and I need sales to stay in business, and it’s a razor’s edge margin of error these days with releases. But at the same time you have to know what fights to fight and where you can actually win, so fuck it. Steal it if you really think that’s cool I guess, but buy the music if you like it. Or a T-Shirt. Or send Crunch Pod $5 or something as thanks for putting our asses on the line financially so you’ll have music to shake your ass and get laid to.
4) Nazi/Fascist imagery.
Yes, you’re extremely controversial because you think Hitler was awesome and you’ve made a song about genocide. *yawn* Seriously, even the Jews are bored with you. I know. I asked them all.
5) Standing around at shows.
I don’t like playing shows to people who want to be entertained and just stand there like assholes. I like playing shows where there’s energy and people losing their shit and dancing and moshing and fucking on the speakers. THAT’S a show. I know you paid your $5-10, but if you want a chill show where you can just “enjoy some tunes”, then go see Sheryl fucking Crow. Industrial music has a BEAT– it’s 95% of the time a 4/4 beat, which means even a braindead mutant can dance to it. Give it a shot, DethSpyd3r6969, you may enjoy it.
It’s not cooler than thou to be unappreciative of someone on stage putting their ass out there to try and express themselves. I’m not saying dance if it totally sucks, but at least try and have FUN. Dancing, btw, is sexy as well, so maybe you won’t need to stay in your parent’s basement cutting your oh-so-lonely self because someone might think you’re hot and try and tap (or be tapped) by that.
And on that note…
6) Bands, you don’t look half as cool as you think you do. Have some fun on stage.
The more self-serious a band is the more ridiculous they look to an audience. Be HUMAN (unless you’re Kraftwerk, then be robotic). The biggest mistake I see new bands make is complete lack of connectedness with an audience, because they’re trying too hard. Don’t. People spot bullshit from a mile away, especially if you’re on a stage, so do your thing but if it doesn’t look effortless and confident you’re just going to look stupid. Sell it. People will buy almost any crazy shit on stage as long as you’re totally committed to it, but they’re gonna make fun of you incessantly if you can’t do that, so let the stage show evolve and let it Be What It Is.
7) Respect goes a long way.
This relates slightly to what I said about not being an asshole online, but it’s simple– showing other artists proper respect, regardless of size, gets you respect back. Over the years I’ve looked to certain people as those who I personally think do it right– one is Tom Shear from Assemblage 23. He’s nice, outgoing, and in my eyes has dealt with more than one asshat online with more class than anyone. I’m sure he’s played shows with tons of horrible bands but you’ll never see him making fun of them online or publicly trashing them. Same with artists like VNV Nation and Combichrist– why? It’s better to take the high road and act like a professional because then it shows you ARE a professional. You don’t need to be signed to have a professional attitude, but having a professional attitude can definitely help you GET signed.
So there’s some more shit to chew on. Enjoy, and comment away.